July 2019 - Tsunami

Hey, it's me. I know, I know, it's been a long time since I've posted.  Sit back 'cause this is going to be a long one! (Oh, remember that anything that is bolded and in quotations marks is a link.)

This time last year, the rumbling started under my feet; the Toronto Theatre Critics' Award for Best Supporting Actress, the extended high I felt from "Caluprnia" - Audrey Dwyer's play, the signing on with a Toronto acting agent and shortly after a new Montreal acting agent, the new people I met in Toronto's acting world, TORONTO (!), the buzz from my 4th album "Sugat Ko", the video preps and shoot for "Jerusalem's Thorns", offers to perform in other theatrical projects, and so many more.

It was a bittersweet time as well because last year, I lost a champion, a believer, a boss and a colleague all in one friend. Georges Durst. I know, I know...some of you have no good words for the man. But I have nothing but praise for him. Like us - like you, he wasn't perfect. But to me, he was close to my heart. He shared some of his secrets with me and will forever stay with me. He opened the door to me when others chose to remain indifferent to me - knowing that I have staked my claim in a very small "community" of the Blues. He showed me other routes to take and confirmed my gut feelings that sometimes, associations, societies and clubs are just that: a bunch of people who need to belong to a group to have their identity confirmed. He reminded me to stay true to myself and forge my own way as there are others out there who are of the same cloth. He also reminded me to be wary of popularity awards (that's when you have to ask your friends to vote for you to win). Awards are meant to be given, offered, presented because of your achievements, not because of popularity. We laughed when he said that chances are, those popularity awards were given to those who uses bots or paid member services so that the insiders' chosen winner is assured. Looking back and seeing some of the repetitive winners year after year my laughter has waned.

So now the tsunami hits and I travel between the two cities, Montreal and Toronto. But I am riding the tidal wave more and more in my new city - yep, Toronto it is, performing in a theatrical piece called "Through The Bamboo" that has been receiving great reviews from audiences and media; not only mentioning me but my cast mates' performances. I am getting to know a lot of like-minded people here. Aside from theatre, I have been going to Blues sessions all over the city, and making connection with good folks - people that I am comfortable with. I am findind my footing slowly but surely. I look forward to bringing my music stage hubbies to play. But one step at a time for now because deep inside of me, I am a Montrealer and I want to create, thrive and make a living in Montreal.

I recently finished a film shoot in Montreal - a science fiction signed by "Mark Morgenstern" - where I saw another aspect of the city; where Montreal went to sleep and woke up. It is indeed a beautiful city. Again the wave of bittersweet feelings flow over me. I now understand why Montreal is called an incubator city. It is definitely a place of creation, vision, development and invention but sadly - it is not the place to maintain all the creative juices that flow. The city and province's infrastructure, taxation policies, grants and subsidies are not conducive to those who are not part of the clique (read: those who are ahead of their time or those who do not play the game). So now I understand why so many leave. I understand that once the incubation process is complete, one must move on - away from this city to thrive in and with their creations.

I am listening to my gut instincts and they have not failed me. The People (I choose to connect with), The Places (I choose to go to), The Things (that resonate with me) are all feeling like home. As "they" say  - "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

So what's next? A whole lot. I am still riding the tidal wave and in the moment. As an independent worker (self-employed), I am normally anxious and feel the need to create the next wave but I have also learned to live in the moment. There is enough for me to chew on with work you can see the " show calendar" is quite full until 2020. There will be music concerts that will surely be inserted between the theatre projects, as well, there will be film/TV shoots, voice over gigs (that I do not post on the calendar). I continue on with my radio show "Unsung and On The Side" which is coming up to it's 4th year! I am in discussions with a Director for a second video from Sugat Ko and I believe we will shoot in the fall.

I trust that the universe will provide. I surrender that it will happen as long as I do my work to the best of my abilities and to challenge myself to be better than the last performance I did. I always thought that I didn't belong. Now I know, I do not belong and am glad about it. I always thought that I was being surpassed and out run by my colleagues. Now I know, I am just a late bloomer.

I miss my husband, partner, friend and hug-buddy. He is supporting me from afar. He too is doing what has to be done so that we can be together again under one roof.

I don't know when next I will be able to post, but thank you for taking the time to read and to keep in touch with me.